Field notes from the 2017 Buffalo/Tiny Mouse Race

I will learn.

It is Saturday evening after the race and with crazy hair and bloodshot eyes and greasy sunscreened skin like a maniac I’m checking in to the cheapest motel I can find in all of Salt Lake City.

One of these days I’ll stop doing this to myself.

After sweating through 100 miles of hot and dusty trail and then sleeping dirty in my tent I’ll finally be able to give my poor tired and grimy body the nice long hot bath it so richly deserves.

I will stop running.

On the road to another race

This is a blog about the Keep reading Field notes from the 2017 Buffalo/Tiny Mouse Race

Run short for SAMYAM

In observance of Shortest American Month of the Year Awareness Month, RunSlaphappy is publishing its shortest blog post of the year.

Show your support — run short!

I don’t care if nothing happened in January. We need content so come up with something

Prologue:

Me: “What am I supposed to do, just make something up?”

Content manager: “No, we already have enough alternative facts on our website. Didn’t you run at all this month?”

“Yeah, but there was nothing worth writing about.”

“Well, we need to stay on top of organic search, so come up with something. That’s what you’re here for.”

“I didn’t really get any good pictures.”

“That’s what stock photos are for.”

“Fine, I’ll put something together.”

“EOD, Brandt.”

“Fine.”

My threshold for refusing to learn how to ski is six feet of snow in one month

Here’s a picture of me learning to ski on Saturday. […]

Keep reading I don’t care if nothing happened in January. We need content so come up with something

Everything I remember from the Hitchcock Experience plus some other things

“You ran to the start?”

“Yeah.”

“And that’s all you brought for a drop bag?”

I stared at the little insulated lunchbox my parents got me for my first job out of high school. It made for a great lunchbox back then, but these days I use it to hold things I might need during a race, like extra socks, a backup shirt, peanut butter, and drugs. It’s waterproof, squirrelproof, Sithproof, and small enough to carry while running away from the dark side. I’m sorry to inform you that it’s not for sale.

“Yeah.”

She looked at me suspiciously.

“How are you going to get back to your tent?”

“I […]

Keep reading Everything I remember from the Hitchcock Experience plus some other things

How long should you wait before buying new running shoes?

As long as possible. Ideally you want to put off buying new shoes until the old ones are too decrepit to function without a good deal of rope and duct tape. Bonus points if big chunks fall off mid-run.

(P.S. I am starting a running advice column called Brandt’s Really Good Running Advice. I will answer all of your questions about running. My goal is to write lots of very useful information about running and slowly build up an audience until a major running company notices me and offers me a job. Please subscribe.)

The big ditch

Under no circumstances should you attempt to hike from the rim to the Colorado River and back in one day. – National Park Service

Precisely two weeks ago DeLorme announced to anyone bored enough to be listening that I was at Phantom Ranch at the bottom of the Grand Canyon in Arizona, for the second time that day. It was raining steadily and a couple dozen hikers were huddled inside and around the store. If I had to venture a guess I’d say they were probably trying to avoid getting wet, which wasn’t an option for me because I’d left my rain jacket back at camp.

“It’s basically a desert […]

Keep reading The big ditch

Nolan’s 4, or what mountain goats drink

Photo credit: Carl the mountain goat

I’d just left Winfield and was hiking down South Clear Creek Road when I heard the UTV approaching.

“Ten bucks says they stop and ask me what the hell I’m doing,” I thought to myself.

They stopped, I pocketed ten bucks. “I should do crazy stuff more often,” I thought to myself.

“You goin’ to Lake Ann?” the man asked, referring to an alpine lake below the divide, straight south of us.

“No, Huron,” I said, referring to a peak a short climb east of us.

“Huron? That’s a 14er! You’re climbing a 14er at night!?”

“Yes.”

The man’s face was a mixture […]

Keep reading Nolan’s 4, or what mountain goats drink

In which I sign my first summit register and finally climb Princeton

“I’ll just follow the mountain goat trail up the ridge, it’ll be fine.” – Me

Not fine.

Thanks a lot, goats on Dyer

On Sunday, Sept. 11, a little over a week after my Nolan’s 10 experience ended, I decided it would be a good idea to climb Dyer, Gemini, Sherman, and Sheridan to see if my feet still worked. In case you’d rather not read to the end of this post, I’ll just tell you right now that they worked fine. Here is something useful to do with your time instead of reading the next 1,300 words.

The four peaks I picked are all closely […]

Keep reading In which I sign my first summit register and finally climb Princeton

That was a bad idea

Nolan’s 14 was a learning experience for everyone involved. Everyone had a good time however, and is ready to try it again next year. – Fred Vance, Ultrarunning, November 1999

Approaching Nolan’s 14 I knew it would be difficult and to some extent crazy, but now having attempted it I can say that it’s also pretty funny, too, at least in a black comedy kind of way, like a standup show where the comic dies laughing at his own joke. Was I disappointed in myself for quitting after 10 peaks? Sure. Did I break down and cry on the Colorado Trail the morning after? Maybe. The point is, I can’t […]

Keep reading That was a bad idea

Sure, Nolan’s 14 sounds like a good idea

Along with several other men of uncertain mental state I will be attempting Nolan’s 14 this weekend. We start tomorrow, 9-2-16, at 5am. There’s a little weather on the radar, but when has weather ever been an issue in the mountains? We’ll be fine.

I’ve spent the past six weeks scouting the route and making plans for this very good idea. I really can’t think of any reason why I wouldn’t finish. I have sunscreen, a couple sandwiches, an umbrella, and plenty of high-quality cotton clothing to keep me warm. I also have a fine new RaidLight running pack donated by Rocky Mountain Ultra. (Thanks Adam!)

[…]

Keep reading Sure, Nolan’s 14 sounds like a good idea