Five years of bad ideas

Five Octobers ago I showed up at the starting line for the Des Plaines River Trail Races ready to run 50 miles. It was my first official ultramarathon, and also the beginning of a long series of bad ideas that are now for some reason recorded for all to see on a website called UltraSignup. I never asked anyone to keep track of my bad ideas.

Originally I had planned to make this one of those long and annoying “Things I’ve learned from ____ years of ultrarunning” blog posts, but then I remembered I haven’t learned anything and still don’t know what I’m doing, so I guess I’ll just […]

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How to drink your own piss: A Nolan’s 14 story

Summit shot on number 14. From left, some guy, Wade, and Walt. Photo credit: Some hiker on Massive.


One morning in May I drank my own piss. One afternoon in June my dad died of cancer. Those two statements are loosely related. I don’t remember July or August, but earlier this month I finished Nolan’s 14, and I find myself unable to write about it without weaving in themes of piss and death. My father’s passing is still fresh on my mind, and like Nolan’s 14 it’s a surreal and difficult thing to experience and process. So I guess what I’m saying is — I wrote a story […]

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Run short for SAMYAM

In observance of Shortest American Month of the Year Awareness Month, RunSlaphappy is publishing its shortest blog post of the year.

Show your support — run short!

I don’t care if nothing happened in January. We need content so come up with something


Me: “What am I supposed to do, just make something up?”

Content manager: “No, we already have enough alternative facts on our website. Didn’t you run at all this month?”

“Yeah, but there was nothing worth writing about.”

“Well, we need to stay on top of organic search, so come up with something. That’s what you’re here for.”

“I didn’t really get any good pictures.”

“That’s what stock photos are for.”

“Fine, I’ll put something together.”

“EOD, Brandt.”


My threshold for refusing to learn how to ski is six feet of snow in one month

Here’s a picture of me learning to ski on Saturday. […]

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How long should you wait before buying new running shoes?

As long as possible. Ideally you want to put off buying new shoes until the old ones are too decrepit to function without a good deal of rope and duct tape. Bonus points if big chunks fall off mid-run.

(P.S. I am starting a running advice column called Brandt’s Really Good Running Advice. I will answer all of your questions about running. My goal is to write lots of very useful information about running and slowly build up an audience until a major running company notices me and offers me a job. Please subscribe.)

Hello, world! A blog hallucinates and gets weird

I once saw an ultrarunner plow into a ponderosa pine in broad daylight and then, as he lay in mud half-asleep and bleeding from not a few ugly cuts and abrasions, profanely relate each and every one of his failures in life to a woodpecker that didn’t exist. It was funny and also kind of sad. What’s not funny is my new blog, RunSlaphappy, although I expect there are those who will find it kind of sad.

RunSlaphappy runs on a content management system called WordPress which is, I’ve discovered, wired for just the sort of lunacy that leads to hallucination and weird conversations. But unlike an ultrarunner WordPress doesn’t […]

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